Another Year, Another Birth(+1)day

At the crack of dawn, I’m yanked out of bed and escorted to the classic one-way mirrored interrogation room.

“Let’s not make this long — you know the drill” a shrill familiar voice fills the room.

“Ugh, not again”

“What has changed?”

“I have the right to remain silent”

“I’ll ask you again – what has changed?”

“Can I borrow some toothpaste?” I pull out a toothbrush from my back pocket.

“Don’t you dare try brush this off”

“My attorney isn’t here yet, could you ask her to get my toothpaste ple — -?”

“WHAT HAS CHANGED?”

“Fine. Let’s have it your way.”

(I walk up and inch closer to the mirror and inspect my face for any signs that reveal that I’m older. Little do I know, my slightly older self, mouth tied shut with a cloth, is struggling to help me from the other side)

“Any minute now” the voice bellows, as the hole to the dungeon reveals itself next to my feet.

“What has changed? I whisper into the mirror, a hint of desperation in my voice now.

(Suddenly my attorney’s muffled voice seeps through the mirror)

“Absolutely nothing has changed. Unless you want it to. In that case, everything has changed.”

“Thank god you’re here. Did you bring any toothpaste?”

(The floor gives away beneath me, I fall into the freshly painted 22nd cell)

Okay now that I have gotten this weird piece out of the mind, here are some notes to myself as i turn 23.

• Sit with your rejection. It will call you names, humiliate you and tell you you are not good enough as it withers into ashes. Collect those ashes before it turns into ether and store them in a jar. When you look back, it will stand as the only proof that you tried.
• On days when nothing seems to go your way, simmer your tea for 10 secs longer than usual. Wait for the second coat of your nail paint to dry completely before doing anything else. Spend that 3 extra mins getting the frame right for the picture of your coffee. Smile at the watchman and pet that cat near your gate. It will save you.
• Shoot your shot — always. Remember what Pappa told you and your brother when both of you didn’t want to share the cherry on that dessert? He told us to simply ‘ask’ for one more — and when we did, the waiter got us not one but 3 extra cherries in a little bowl! There is literally no penalty for asking for what you want.
• It’s okay to expect things from people close to you— and it’s also okay to be disappointed when those expectations are not met. What’s not okay is to tie assumptions to those unmet expectations and hold on to on them.
• Your life can become exponentially larger if you want it to be. Look up at the night sky and let yourself feel overwhelmed by its immensity — you are instinctively wired to look for beauty in everything and that means something. If not, make it mean something.
• You are playing the long game — one bad morning, one bad day, one bad week, one bad month or even one bad year need not define you. Forgive yourself and begin again. You decide when you start over.
• You are a human living in a world filled with other humans. Vocalise your appreciation for people more often. Be as specific as you can when you tell them what you like and what you have learnt from them.
• Even if it is sporadic, unstructured, inconsistent and messy — keep writing, expressing and sharing your ideas. If not anything else, it still helps YOU be more clued into how you interact with the world.
• Live authentically. No, really. As cliched as it sounds, there is an inner core in you that is undisturbed from the clutter of ideas and experiences of/with the world.
• Optimism is not about positivity, it’s about grace. You’re allowed some grace.
• Lastly, you are not your feelings— never have been. You are the one feeling them. You’re safe — always have been :)